Suprise!
by Cyzara Nymphis
Summary: Frieza was once ruler of a great deal of the universe. But how well is he going to deal with the shock of his boyfriend Cell surprising him with the fact he has seven kid. Mild Yaoi CellxFrieza, OOC


_I don't own DBZ or any of it's characters or characters mentioned from any other copyrighted stuff. _

_This is an odd/funny CellXFrieza fanfic. First Cell, Frieza, and the septuplet Cell juniors are alive and at least semi-good guys, and they live on earth. There are a few other oddities in it, e.g. Bulma and Cell are like best friends (Hey, almost everyone he's made of likes Bulma in some way, and so do I :P) Frieza has a step mom (which who it is funny btw, but I won't spoil it for you) and Yamcha's a lazy moocher. Also contains: Bratty children, insane ex-girlfriends (OC), Yamcha bashing! (I hate that guy!), OOC-ness, Yaoi (guyXguy), some sexual content. Other than that nothing too objectionable. You were warned._

"So," Frieza smiled wide. He was leaning against Cell, arms around the android's waist. "Why is it, until today, you've never taken me to your house?"

Cell sighed, but did not answer. Frieza stepped back and shrugged. The small icejin jumped ahead a few steps.

"I don't know. I just can't figure out all your secrecy." Frieza said to Cell trying to walk backward in front of the android. He was tripped up and nearly fell back on his tail. Frieza was wearing clothes and his pants tended to trip him at times; He insisted on wearing them long. He had just a plain black t-shirt and jeans. Although he was not too fond of doing so, he found that when clothed people stared less. But being out with Cell, it did not seem to work as well. Cell often told Frieza he did not care, that it was whatever made him feel comfortable, that he was not bothered by people's stares. The icejin, however, was very much offended by gawking.

Cell and Frieza had just got back from an evening out. It was starting to get dark out. The orange-colored street lights were coming on. Frieza crossed his arms over his chest. He had an odd feeling.

The two had been dating for over six months; They'd been friends much longer, and Cell always had somewhat of a crush on the small icejin. The entire time, Cell kept his friend out of his house; Even more so, kept his home life a secret. The android felt that he could trust Frieza at this point and wanted to step up their relationship.

"Because I didn't know how you'd react," The towering android rested his hands on Frieza's shoulders. "I want to show you something."

"Really?" Frieza laughed. "What would that be?"

The two of them were standing outside a normal looking Capsule Corp.-made house. It was decent sized but not huge. It was only white and unremarkable. This was Cell's house.

"Not what you think," Cell move toward the house, and Frieza followed. He stopped and turned to the icejin, "Frieza, I'm going to tell you now. This is when all my relationships end. So whatever happens, I understand."

"What do you mean by that?"

The android did not answer. He turned and opened the red-panted front door. He stepped in followed by the alien.

Inside, the living room was pretty normal except all the furniture was broken. There was a blue couch that looked like it had been to hell and back eight or nine times, a broken down arm chair that had clearly seen better days, a TV, that was roughed up as well, on a near destroy table that was jerry-rigged back together with plywood, and at least six different gaming consoles, and two of one of them, on the floor underneath it. There also were about a million toy cars all over the floor.

_So he a bit of a slob and likes Hotwheels,_ Frieza looked around and thought. _No reason to kick him to the curb._

"Uh…Sorry for the mess. You could sit down if you like." Cell motioned to the couch. Frieza navigated through the sea of tiny cars and sat on the beat up couch. The room was wide and opened up at one end to the kitchen, the front door at the other end. Across from the couch and behind the TV table was the stairs to the upper floor. A half wall and railing covered them from sight.

"Wait here I have to…" Cell stopped speaking and turned as he heard something coming down the stairs. Around the half-wall, down the stairs, came the biggest cat Frieza had ever seen. The cat had to be at least a foot and a half tall. It was a beautiful Siamese cat with bright blue eyes. It stopped and sat at the base of the stairs and stared straight at Frieza. Cell breathed a sigh of relief.

_Oh I get it, _Frieza smiled to himself._ He's one of those people with the spoiled brat-cats. I can live with that._

"Azusa, get!" Cell tried to shoo the cat away. She only looked up at him. Frieza stood up and walked over to Cell, kicking cars out of his path. He took hold of Cell's hands.

"Why are you so nervous?"

The android looked away, "Listen, I've been keeping something from you. I…"

Just then, the sound of something, or someone rather, bouncing down the stairs interrupted Cell. The android took his hands out of the icejin's. Frieza turned his head and saw, holding a cat near as big a he was, a tiny blue version of Cell. He gawked at Frieza with his wide magenta eye and hid the rest of his face behind the Siamese cat.

_Oh my god, he got a kid. _Frieza jaw dropped. _Why didn't he tell me?_

"Vincent, get your brothers." Cell sighed to the child, who turned and ran up the stairs, still carrying the annoyed cat.

_BROTHERS! FOR GODS' SAKES HOW MANYS HE GOT?_ Frieza was trying not to react but it was very clear by the look on his face: he wasn't happy.

Within a few seconds, the child carrying the cat came back down. And behind him came six others.

_FUCKING SEVEN! SEVEN FUCKING KIDS! _Frieza was looking even paler than normal.

Cell looked toward the children, all of them seemingly identical to each other, "You met Vincent, this is Cell junior, we just call him CJ, this is Nezumi, Zak, Ryu, Kain, and Leon. Boys, this is daddy's friend, Frieza."

The small Cells rushed Frieza. All of them began talking at once and grabbing at Frieza.

"HI!"

"Lookit! He's got a tail!"

"Stupid! It's not a he! It's a girl!"

"Daddy, I'm hungry."

"He's not a girl. You're a girl! You're not a girl are you?"

"Stupid is a mean word, poopyface!"

"Hey! Azusa's my cat!"

"HAHA! You said poopy!"

"Daddy, I'm hungry."

"I don't think she's a boy…"

"It's a boy."

"Nuh-uh. Azusa doesn't like you. You pee the bed, Zumi."

"TAIL! TAIL! I GONNA GET YOU!"

"Look what I can do! Look what I can do! Look what I can do! Look what I can do! Look what I can do! Look what I can do! Look what I can do! Look what I can do!"

"Daddy, I wanna play Crash bandicoot."

"Well, you poop the bed ."

"You're dumb. She's a lady."

"NOOOOOO! He's a boy."

"Daddy, I'm hungry."

"HA! I gots your tail."

"Azusa bit me."

"No, CJ, he's a girl!"

"When can we play with the Dodge Vipers?"

Frieza remained calm and spoke very subtly. "No, child, I'm a man. You, let go of my tail. What you can do is very impressive. And if you hold the cat like that, of course she will bite you."

Cell crossed his arm, "Boys, go upstairs and play."

In a trampling rush, the seven went rumbling up the stairs. A door slammed and their small voices were muffled behind it.

Cell sighed deeply and turned away from Frieza but he didn't speak. Neither did Frieza.

_RUN! FUCKING RUN AS FAR AWAY AS YOU CAN! THEN RUN FARTHER!_ Frieza was about in a panic. He was too stunned to speak at the moment, and too shocked to move.

Cell turned back to the icejin. He was sure that Frieza was going to fly off the handle. He was surprise that the alien had nothing to say at all.

"Listen, Frieza," Cell looked down at his feet. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. I was afraid you'd leave me."

Frieza suddenly felt a wave of guilt come over him. It was unfair of him to be angry with Cell for not telling him. It seem there was not an easy way to break the news.

"Well, you were wrong," the icejin sighed. "Listen, I'm not mad I just… I just wish you would have told me. This is not the kind of thing to keep from me."

The android crossed his arms and leaned against the half-wall. "I'm sorry. I just wanted to be sure…"

"Be sure?"

"Be sure that we were going to make it and you were alright before you met my kids. I have to think about them first."

Frieza looked down, "Of course."

Cell walked over to the door, "I guess I'll take you home then…"

"Why?" the icejin tilted his head to one side. He knew the android though it was cute when he did that; It was an excellent way to stop arguments. "Do you want me to go?"

"No, of course not." Cell turned back around., "So you're okay?"

Frieza nodded, "I not going to throw every thing we've had away over this. I just…um, well. I don't have any experience with kids is all…"

"Well," the android laughed. "You're about to have a crash course. You're doing fine so far. My ex-girlfriend saw two and ran for it."

"That's stupid."

"Frieza," Cell crossed his arms and shook his head. "I have seven eight-year-old boys who are unbelievably strong. There is nothing normal about that. It's hell at times. If you left now…"

"Do I have to repeat myself?"

The android shook his head, "Alright , just don't say I didn't warn you."

"I love you, Cell." Frieza wrapped his arms around Cell's waist.

Cell put his arms around the icejin, "I love you. But is that enough for all of us?"

The smile faded from the icejin's ebony lips. "Cell…"

The android pulled Frieza tighter to him. He stroked top of Frieza's crystalline head. "Now, don't get all pouty."

Frieza smirked, and pushed Cell back, "Hmm, but that's my best defense."

"Trust me," The android chuckled. "It's going to take a lot more than pout to handle them."

Walking back through the mess of tiny cars, Frieza sat on the couch. He smiled and motioned for Cell to sit next to him. Cell floated over the cars and flopped hard on the broken couch.

"I've been wondering now," Frieza crawled into his boyfriend's lap. "Where did you take them when you were out with me? Let alone when you spent the night?"

Cell pushed the small icejin out of his lap again. He was unsure if he wanted his children to see him and Frieza behaving that way. Frieza snorted and crossed his arms.

"Well,… I have a friend from work who's willing to watch them. She dropped them off before I brought you here," Cell continued, ignoring the others discontent. The icejin was now inspecting a toy car he'd pulled out of the couch, a tiny jeep with a cartoon character on it.

He tossed the jeep on the floor, "Where is it that you work? You don't tell me anything about that. You're not going to shock me with that too? Lemme guess, you're a stripper?" He laughed loudly, "You've got to pole dance to feed your kids 'cuz you're baby-daddy in lock down?"

Cell was not amused.

"Aw, I guess just wishful thinking." The alien picked up another car, "But seriously, I feel kind of strange not knowing."

"I…I work for the Capsule Corp."

Frieza scoffed, "Who doesn't? What do you do?"

"I work for research and development."

Setting the car on the floor and rolling it away, Frieza looked over at Cell skeptically, "Meaning?"

Suddenly, one of Cell's children came running down the stairs, "Daddy, Daddy! CJ broke the slot car track!"

Cell sighed, "Again?"

The child nodded his head vigorously, "Yeah, he's acting like a nut sac!"

Cell was stunned a second and didn't say anything. Frieza put both hands over his own mouth to keep from laughing, still letting out a snort.

The android put a hand over his face, "Nezumi, pray tell, how, exactly, does one act like a nut sac? And where did you hear that?"

The child, Nezumi, started blubbering and whining, "I didn't mean to say that! I'm sorry! It was Ryu; he said it first!"

Cell got up, "Don't say that again. Anyway, I'll go fix the race track." He turned to Frieza, "Just one second, okay?"

Frieza nodded, and Cell went upstairs. Nezumi did not follow however. He looked over at the icejin, "You're not like Melissa, are you?"

"Uh, I don't…"

The child continued, "She made daddy very sad. Are you going to make daddy sad?"

Frieza shook his head, "I would never do anything to make your father sad."

The little boy-android turn and started back up the stairs. He stopped half way and peered at Frieza through the railing. He smiled wide, "I like you! You thought the nut sac thing was funny!"

Frieza tried not to laugh again, "Now, your father said not to say that."

Nezumi smiled and ran upstairs. The icejin could hear Cell talking and the kids arguing, laughing, and whining. This went on for about ten minutes, then a very tired looking Cell came down the stairs.

"Sorry that took so long," He slumped on the couch next to Frieza. "The wouldn't stop arguing about who took it apart."

Frieza curled up next to the android, "Think nothing of it." He was dying to ask about Melissa was but unsure if it was a good idea. He had met that woman once, and admittedly hated her guts. And not just because he was jealous. Frieza, however, didn't want to ruin the evening. Not that it wasn't already pretty messed up…

Cell sighed, "I heard what Nezumi said to you. You want to know what happened with Melissa, don't you?"

"Uh, if you don't-"

"No. No, it's fine," Cell cut in, "I brought her home and she saw Ryu and CJ. She ran off with out a word. When I caught up to her later, she's made a huge scene, in public even. I was upset by it, and I let my kids see. I shouldn't have, but…"

The icejin looked down at his feet. He was feeling even more ashamed now. Feeling overwhelmed by all the things he was finding out about his boyfriend, Frieza wasn't even sure he knew Cell. He seemed different somehow when he was with his children than when they were alone. Frieza put his arms around Cell and leaned on him.

"I don't know." The icejin wrapped his tail across Cell's lap, "I think you needed someone there for you, and you had your children."

"I guess you're right."

"Of course, I'm always right."

Letting out a loud laugh, Cell wrapped his arms around Frieza. "If you say so."

The icejin snorted and buried his face in the android's side, "Oh, shut up…"

There was a piercing scream, then a mixture of laughter and yelling. Cell sighed and shook his head. Lifting up Frieza's tail up and flopped it in the icejin's lap, he got up from the couch and headed upstairs. Then from upstairs there was the sound of Cell's voice in addition to the children's laughs and screaming. There was a smashing sound, then the sound of one of the children's voices, yelling, and the other kids gasped.

"GET IN BED! ALL OF YOU!" Cell's voice boomed from up stairs and the sounds of the kids crying. The shuffling and whining continued for a few more minutes. The android came down the stairs, rubbing his temples.

"Where the _hell_ does he learn these things?" Cell flopped on the couch, looking even more tired. Frieza crawled into his lap; Cell held him this time. The small icejin sighed, " What is it?"

"Oh, it's CJ," The android leaned his head back. "He's, well, a rotten little bastard."

Frieza laughed hard, "That's …That's an awful thing to say. What did he do?"

"This time he got in a fight with Ryu, those two are always at each other's throats," Cell sighed deeply, "CJ punched him right in the face, and then I asked him why. He stomped on the car track and said 'cuz' I fucking felt like it'. I don't know what to do with him."

Frieza leaned up and placed a soft kiss on the android's lips. He wrapped his arms around the other's neck and moved in close. Cell stopped him. Frieza looked annoyed.

"Come on." Cell pick up his small boyfriend and carried him across the room and through a door under the stairs, shutting and locking it behind them. It was Cell's bedroom. The room was small and plain, with only a large bed with black bed spread on it in the room. The android flopped the icejin on the bed.

"I am so glad you're here." Cell smirked as he pulled off Frieza's shirt. The android ran his hands over Frieza's body, feeling the icejin's lithe form. Cell undid the icejin's jeans and pulled them off. He crawled up over the top of the alien, leaning into Frieza's neck. The android began gently nibbling at the alien's neck. Frieza squirmed and gasped as the larger being began to caress his inner thigh. Cell bit down on the icejin's neck. Frieza moaned.

"Frieza, you have to be quite," Cell stopped and said to his partner, who was slightly annoyed. "My children are upstairs."

The icejin nodded and pulled Cell down on top of him. Throwing his arms around the android's neck, Frieza pulled Cell into a kiss. His tail wrapped around Cell, holding the android firmly to the icejin's body.

There was a heavy knocking at the door. Cell gently climbed off Frieza and got up.

"Sorry, hold on."

Frieza rolled over, irritated. Cell went out of the room, closing the door behind him. There was muffled voices, a child yelling, Cell yelling, and then it was quiet again. Frieza sat up in the bed. He heard the sound of someone running up the stairs over head. Cell came back in the room and flopped on the bed. Frieza crawled over onto the android.

"Frieza, I think you might just want to go home…"

The icejin tilted his head, "What's wrong?"

Cell gently pushed Frieza off of him. He sat up, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Listen, I just…I'm not in the mood now, okay?"

The smaller being put his arms around Cell's neck and leaned against the large android's back. "It's okay. I'm not leaving though."

Cell sighed, turning and laying down. Frieza curled up next to the other. He pulled the blanket up over both of them with his tail. The android rolled on his side and pulled his tiny boyfriend up to his chest. Frieza soon fell asleep.

Frieza woke up alone in Cell's bed. He was wrapped in the black blankets in the dark room. There was no window in the room and it was nearly pitch black; The only light was a red glow coming off an alarm clock that read seven-thirty. The icejin could faintly here voices and laughing from the other room. Frieza crawled out of the big bed and dressed himself; he felt uncomfortable with the thought of not being clothed with Cell's kids around. Frieza left the bedroom.

There was no one in the living room. It seemed that Cell and his children were in the kitchen. Frieza could hear clearly the small riot that was going on it there.

"…don't want oatmeal!"

Cell voice carried over the rest, "You just said that's what you wanted!"

"NEZUMI! NOOO!"

"Ryu, pass me the milk."

"I didn't want the raisins…"

"Gimme! Mine!"

"Yummy! Trix!"

"…too much sugar in mine…"

Cell spoke again, "Hurry up with the syrup, your brother wants some."

"Daddy, I want some pizza."

"…pancakes are old…"

"Give me that back, Vincent."

Cell, again, "Get the waffle off your head. GETTHEWAFFLEOFFYOURHEAD!"

As all this was going on, Frieza stepped around the corner into the kitchen. He stood, watching, from the door. Cell and his seven children were seated at the large, slightly damaged table. A vast assortment of breakfast foods were spread across it. Although they were loud and squabbled a bit, Cell kept all the children in order somewhat. He was serving up breakfast to his children, as well as making sure food was on plates, not on their heads.

All the children were loud and played in their breakfast save one. He sat at the end of the table, quietly eating his toast, looking quite sinister. Although, all seven of the children looked pretty much the same, this one was different somehow. He seemed somehow older.

Cell turned to the quite child, "Would you like something else CJ?"

The angry boy shook his head quickly back and forth. He crossed his arms and sat back in his chair. His little magenta eyes traveled sideways and saw Frieza.

CJ frowned, "Why is _he_ still here?"

Cell just noticed Frieza was standing in the door way, "Because I want him to be. Behave CJ. Frieza, are you hungry?"

"Uh, well…" The icejin did get much more out before he was drowned out by the children.  
>"Sit by me! Sit by me!"<p>

"Have some waffles! There's waffle in 'em!"

"NO! Trix! They're so yummy!"

"Don't sit by Kain; he'll steal your food!"

"Daddy made the pancakes! They're yummy!"

"But the oatmeal is yucky. It has raisins; they look like rat poop…"

"Sit here!" the child sitting next to Cell got up and moved a spare chair between his own and his father's chairs. "Sit by me and daddy!"

Frieza complied, sort of stunned by how welcoming Cell's children were. For the most part.

"Thank you, uh,"-Cell whispered the child's name to Frieza- " um, Nezumi." Frieza smiled to the small boy-android. Nezumi grinned widely and set an empty plate and a fork in front of his father's friend. The children continued to spout suggestions on what Frieza should eat. The alien just grabbed a few pancakes and decided to eat them plain rather than wrestles the syrup away from the kids.

Frieza didn't talk much during breakfast; He just watched Cell. He was amazed how the android had no trouble at all telling the children apart and how he remained so calm with chaos that went on. Cell just seem to act minimally. Not like he was inattentive, but he only stepped in when necessary, letting the rest work itself out.

Frieza also noticed that the android would give a worried glance to his angry son. CJ's mood worsened after the icejin sat at the table. The boy pushed his food away and sat back in his chair, head turned, looking away from the table. He looked so furious Cell was afraid to talk to him.

Cell looked over to the clock on the microwave. "Oh, damn. Boys, go finish getting ready to go to school."

The seven boys jumped up in a rush, ran out of the room, and thundered up the stairs.

Turning to Frieza after the children left, Cell smirked. "So how'd you like the breakfast rush?"

The icejin snorted, "Is it always that bad?"

"Bad?" Cell laughed loudly. "That was one of our better days."

Frieza laughed and shook his head. "Wow, I feel stupid..."

The android put an arm around Frieza. He leaned over on the small icejin. "It's not really bad. Just hard to get used to the noise is all. And CJ being an ass..."

"I suppose he might just be upset. Because of me..."

Cell shook his head, "It's not your fault."

Frieza looked up and sighed, "Yeah, it is. But I understand. I kinda went to through the same thing. Of course, I wasn't eight..."

"I see." Cell nodded. "I wish he would just... well, I mean, I don't know." the android checked the time again. "I got to get the kids to the bus, and I work today. You going to hang out here?"

Sighing, the small alien got up. "No, I need to finish a project. My publisher will be on my ass if I don't get it done by the end of the month."

Cell laughed. Frieza was a very gifted artist and wrote a quite successful manga, under a fake name. It had became an outlet for most of his rage. The icejin had become quite laid back since his new career.

"You know something," the green man chuckled. "CJ loves your comic book..."

Frieza hugged Cell, "Yea? That's funny. I wonder how he'd react if he knew." The alien sighed, "Well, I'll see you later. Love you."

"I love you too. See you later."

Cell went up stairs and Frieza left. The icejin walked down the urban street, heading to downtown, where his apartment was. He was in a daze. Being with Cell blunted the shock of the situation. Once away from his boyfriend, the pale alien started to realize how much this changed things. He loved Cell so much, but Frieza had never counted on something like this. It made him ill.

It was a bit chilly . The icejin crossed his arms over his chest. His breath hung in the air. Frieza quickened his pace.

Coming up to the downtown, even being relatively early, it was quite busy. The alien avoided stares and focused on the sidewalk. Most of the time, Frieza walked through the street was very late, as in three to four a.m. It was to avoid people; He hated being stared at.

Approaching his apartment building, he fumbled in his pocket for his key. He looked up the building and sighed. It would be so much easier to just transmit but there were too many people around. The icejin went in and rode the elevator up to his floor. Down the hall and a turn to the left was his apartment. It was not a an opulent palace, but it was good enough. Frieza had become accustom to living in normal dwelling, even learning to like it. The small place was comfortable. It just a two bedroom place, just perfect for one or two people. Frieza often imagined that he and Cell would live here. Not now...

Opening the door, the icejin scoffed. His idle fantasies and dreams were crush. It was just so much for him to take. Seemingly, Frieza's life always seemed to get more and more complex. He looked around his own place.

Frieza's apartment was neat and tidy. The icejin was very particular about his possessions. Everything had a place, and would be put there. The only places that even looked close to a mess were his bed and his office. He never made the bed because he saw no point, and he always left his projects out when he worked on them in the office. It had a big wood corner desk were his computer sat, a book shelf were he filed his concept art and kept supplies, and a huge comfortable chair. He kept his office in more of a comfortable atmosphere; It was his haven. The place that kept him on the side of sanity. That was where he was headed.

Anytime the icejin was troubled, he worked on his manga. It was about a boy who was able to become a dragon; He fought for justice and battled powerful creatures, often turning them to his side. The character only fought to protect others, especially his younger sister. Although, he would not admitted it, the alien was inspire by the way his older brother had once treated him when they were childern when he began writing it. Frieza was in the study, sitting in front of his computer, pen tablet in his lap. He stared down the manga. It was at a plot development part, but he was feeling more like drawing a fight scene.

"...Fuck." The icejin snorted. Normally, anger was useful for him. Now, it was a hindrance. Frieza sighed and closed the project. He just doodled on a blank pallet. He was going to hear it from his publisher.

"...eh, maybe I should get a different job." the alien tapped his fingers on the desk. He thought of CJ reading about his dragon-boy. He wondered if maybe the boy hated him because CJ felt like Frieza was a threat. That the child just wanted to protect his father. Like Frieza's character protected his little sister.

The icejin sat down the tablet and walked out of the room. He could not put it out of his mind.

_Why didn't he tell me?_

Frieza went to his kitchen and got into the refrigerator. He pulled out a beer. Normally, Frieza didn't drink; he only had the beer for when, on the odd occasion, Vegeta would come over and talk to him.

Flopping down on the couch, Frieza opened his beer and took a swig. He grimaced and set the drink on the floor.

"Goddamnit! Why does this shit happen to me?" the alien swore to the empty room.


End file.
